For the Confused Gentleman.

I wrote a post recently containing some suggestions, to both genders, about being straightforward and honest in social settings. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, it got a few women considerably piqued. I invited one of those girls, who was quite critical of my post, to write a post of her own offering some suggestions and advice from girls to us single men.

This is her response. I would love to get some feedback from all of you. Ladies, is this an accurate representation of what you would want to tell guys? Guys, what are your thoughts on these suggestions from the ladies?

So I present to you:

For the Confused Gentleman

I don't think many guys understand girls.

But let’s be honest, we barely understand ourselves.

Hey girl. I'm confused.

Girls are moody, confusing, dramatic, crazy, loving, protective, etc. we could go on for days finding words to describe ourselves because girls, well, we are a little bit of everything, and that’s what makes us so great.

But because of our absolute greatness, and our intense changes in mood and character, we tend to be a bit confusing to the opposite sex. So, out of the goodness of my heart, I have decided to give you a list of things that most women (notice that I say most not all) would like men to know and do.

1. When you have the opportunity to open the door for girls, do it! Car doors. House doors. ANY
DOORS. This is usually the first thing a girl will notice. On occasion you will find that we will tell
you not to worry about it, to this I say: Girls, be kind and let them get the door for you! Don’t
take chivalry for granted.

2. Whether you are dating or not, walk us to the door or watch us in your car till we get inside. If
we drove home ourselves, call or text us to make sure we made it home okay. Girls like feeling
safe.

3. Use beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, stunning or lovely when describing how we look. These are the
kinds of words that will make us smile and feel our best. Be careful with words such as: cute,
adorable, sexy or hot. I'm not saying don't ever use them, just be careful with them. You might
be trying to make us feel good, but these words tend to be demeaning and rude when used in
the wrong context or with the wrong person.

4. Don’t be afraid to text us first. Like with everything else we prefer guys to make the first move,
but we understand that with texting it’s almost impossible to know what’s really going on.
Without seeing facial expressions or hearing the other person’s voice, texting could easily
be compared to learning a new language. If we seem standoffish or short in our texts, it’s
usually because we aren’t interested. Girls tend to be too nice in these situations and not as
straightforward as we should be. If you are wondering if you should keep pursuing us, ask us.
Sometimes questioning the situation can be really helpful. We have found that we are more
willing to be honest and open about things when we are asked.

5. Along with texting, when you ask us out on dates please call us or ask us in person. I know it’s a bit more nerve racking, but we like that old fashioned stuff! Plus, it’s harder for us to say no.

6. Remember, no matter how tough we pretend to be, we are girls and we are fragile. If we are
hitting, punching, kicking, flicking, etc. it is because we are flirting, not because we want you to
do it back. We prefer to be tickled over being punched.

7. Please feel free to share deep thoughts and experiences with us. It makes us feel close to you
and lets us know that you trust us.

8. If you go out of your way to do an act of service for us, get us flowers, write us a little note or buy us our favorite candy bar just because you were ‘thinking about us’ you will make our day. We don't need extravagant gifts! It’s really the simple things that make us happy.

9. BE A GOOD LISTENER. I cannot stress this one enough. If a girl is telling you something, it is because it’s important to her. Make what’s important to her, important to you.

10. PLEASE do us all a favor and check your nose, teeth, and face before you go out with us.
Personal hygiene is VERY important to girls. We are not your mothers and we do not want to
have to tell you that you have a booger in your nose.

11. When taking us out always plan on a 5-15 minute waiting period when you come to pick us
up. 95% of the time we are late is because we want to look our best for you! Girls take hours
primping, perfecting and stressing about how we look and hoping we can be ready on time.
When we are behind schedule, don't be mad, don't make us feel rushed and make sure to
compliment how we look. Remember, we really are trying our best.

12. If you are planning on taking us out, dress the part. Get a button up and wear some cologne. To
us, that shows that you really care. As girls we are constantly getting dressed up for you, so we
will be impressed if you do the same for us!

13. Here’s a little secret: girls compete with other girls. If you go out of your way to show us that
we are the most important person, it will make us feel more special than you will ever know. It
also makes us more confident in ourselves and in our relationship with you.

14. We don't like to spell things out for guys, if we look cold, give us your jacket. If our glass is
empty, fill it up. Try to be aware of what’s going on around you, and do it without being asked.
It will show us that you really care. GIRLS, please don't take their chivalry for granted! Take their
jacket when it’s offered and let them fill up your glass. If guys are going out of their way to be
gentlemen, we should in turn be gracious women.

15. Let us take care of you. We love our guys to be the hero, but we want to feel like we can be your
heroine. You don't have to be the big tough guy ALL the time.

16. When we say we are ‘fine’ we are not fine. Fine means that we are about to explode with one
emotion or another. At this point in time don't push it. The best thing to do in this situation is to
be there for us and realize we need a minute or two to calm down. We will let you know when
we are ready to talk.

17. Girls are emotional roller coasters. We can be happy and then sad in a matter of minutes.

Surprisingly accurate..

Anything you say or do can set us off. Sometimes we can't control our emotions as well as we'd like, sometimes we don’t know that we are being irrational. If we get out of line emotionally, please be sympathetic and calm. Realize that you can help us recognize we are being out of line, but in a kind way. Ask if you can do anything for us. If you can talk to us about it and be understanding that we are emotional, it makes everything a lot easier.

18. We like it when guys do things that we love to do, even if it’s something they don't enjoy doing. If you show up and have fun because you know it’s something we love, it will mean the world to us! In turn we will be sure to do things that you love. We like balance in our relationships. If you want us to try something new that you really enjoy doing, plan on doing something we enjoy the next time. (Ex. It’s okay to get pedicures and manicures if it makes your girl happy!)

19. If we don't know what we want to eat, or what we want to do, PLEASE don't say ‘well, you pick.’ Give us options! When you say ‘where do you want to eat/what do you want to do?’ our minds
think of EVERYTHING POSSIBLE so it really stresses us out. I promise that when you give us
options everything will go a lot smoother. It will help us know what sounds good to you and will
help narrow down our playing field. Decisions will be made a lot quicker, our tummies will be
filled faster, and our days will be a lot more fun!

20. Don’t be afraid to talk things out with us. We really do want to know how you are feeling and
what is going on in your head. It also gives us an opportunity to tell you what’s going on in ours.
It’s okay to have discussions about things and if it’s done in the right way it can really help us
become stronger and more confident in our relationship.

21. We realize that we can be a bit crazy and difficult to understand. We apologize in advance for
this and we thank you for being willing to put up with us. We know we can be a lot to handle,
but we promise we are worth it!

Please understand that this is how most girls are. Hopefully this provides a little bit of perspective to help you guys understand it. We don't need to be understood perfectly, we just need to know that you really are trying, and that is good enough for us!

-b